Amazing how in the matter of a month, every aspect of my life can go to shit. And I didn’t even have to try.

SCHIZOPHRENIA.FUCKING.SUCKS.

Schizophrenia is probably the worst thing on earth. Worse than bombs, guns, anything. Because the effect of those doesn’t last long. But to sit in absolute fear everyday to the point where you’re willing to harm your own children before anyone else can, is something I wouldn’t even wish upon the most horrible human in the world. No one deserves that kind of terror. And to see my mom suffer this way, makes me angry. I don’t even know who to blame. Everyone’s saying I’ll probably have to get custody of my brother and sister, which sucks. I mean, I’ll do anything I have to for them. I love the shit outta those kids. But I’m only 20. And I feel horrible too. I feel like I’m betraying my mom by taking her kids away. The last two things that she has in life. I just don’t understand why God could ever let someone suffer with such a horrible illness. Especially someone as great as my mom. And people try to tell me “these trials are only temporary”. Then why has this gone on for almost 20 years?

What is family?

.

How do you know when you’re supposed to be with someone and when it just isn’t right anymore? I guess if you have to question it, maybe it isn’t right. But I can’t help but feel like I’m letting my love for him as a person and fear of not having him in my life blind me from the fact that….. …..maybe I’m not IN love with him anymore.

Haven’t been on tumblr in like 7 years…

Sup?

Tumblr on my phone sucksssss. That’s why I only reblog stuff. :’(